Hello everyone, if you’ve read my post Charging Through you know I’ve been struggling with something for quite some time. That something is called the Praxis. For those of you who do not know, the Praxis is an exam that needs to be taken in order to become a teacher. This test is required in the state of New Jersey and the specific test I’ve been taking is the Mathematics content. Basically, if I wanted to become a high school teacher, which I do, I’d have to pass this test. In the post Charging Through I go into detail on exactly what it is I feel when I go to take this test, or any very important test. To sum it up, I feel panicked, my breath becomes shallow, my heart quickens, the room spins and as all this goes on my mind goes blank and I forget anything and everything that has to do with mathematics. So surely you can see how difficult it must be to take an exam if I’m feeling like one hot mess.
In the post Charging Through I not only explain my on going struggle with the exam, but I also shared the fact that I felt a bit hopeless. You see, I’ve failed this test time and time again. I’ve come so close to passing (3-4 points away) several times and it was so discouraging to be so close but yet so far. The worst part of this all is I should have already graduated from college but because of this exam I’ve been put back semesters because I can’t finish my final college step until I passed this test….frustrating.
If you’ve read the Charging Through post you also would have read that although I’ve felt like I’ve hit rock bottom and although I felt that as though it was pointless to take the exam again, I was still going to keep trying. I committed to studying, studying way more than I ever had. I committed to practicing things I haven’t practiced in years. I committed to looking up definitions that I haven’t in awhile. Most of all, I committed to take the exam once again.
After that post, I became extremely committed. I would go into work each and everyday with my giant packets to study, my pens, my pencils and my calculator. Although I was at work, I spent a majority of the time looking down at my books, studying, remembering, analyzing and figuring things out. I signed up for Khan Academy and started to study things that I struggled with in the past or with things that I had forgotten. I honestly completely focused on my exam beyond more than I focused on what was going on in the classroom in front of me (oops, bad substitute). Most students knew, the students I spoke to often knew exactly what I was doing, I was studying, I was studying for the exam that I so struggled with. Each day the students would come in and ask me when I’m taking the test and if I’m ready. Each day students would say “Ms. F, you need to pass this test.” They were right.
March 17, 2017 I was sitting in the faculty lounge when the topic of the Praxis came up. I told the teachers around me that I was actually taking it the following day, March 18, 2017. They all knew my struggle with exams. Some teachers suggested that I visit a doctor to get anxiety medication for the exam, other teachers said I should visit a doctor in order to get a notice saying I need an extension of time on the test since I’m so nervous for a majority of it, other teachers said I needed a change of attitude. A change of attitude I thought to myself? I consider myself a calm person, sometimes that is, when my mind isn’t racing wildly. This specific teacher told me that I need to change my attitude from calm yet nervous and anxious to more confident. She told me I needed to become angry with the test. Angry? I thought, I mean I was angry with this test but probably more angry with myself for not being able to pass it. She finished her advice by saying that I need “to make that test [my] bitch.” (Excuse the language but those were her words.) I smiled and pondered her advice.
March 18, 2017 came rolling around. I slept like a baby the night before, which is very different already compared to the previous times I’ve taken the test. I woke up happy, filled with joy, again different from other times. It was Saturday, I clean the house on Saturday’s so I went about my business and cleaned the house while listening to music. I cleaned, I danced, I sang, I was happy. I felt as if I had no worries. As I was finishing cleaning I kept repeating to myself “you’re going to make this test your bitch”, “be angry with the test”, “be confident, you got this.” I repeated those three sayings so many times in one single day that it was about the only thing rolling through my mind.
One o’clock came rolling around and it was time for me to get on the road to the test. I started my drive and I wasn’t shaking, shockingly. I didn’t feel the need to cry, another shocker. I continued my drive and as I listened to Ed Sheeran I sang along and during breaks or pauses I would remind myself that today would be the day I would pass this dreadful exam.
I made it all the way to the place where I was to take my exam and for some odd reason I was still as happy as I woke up. I went up the elevator, took my usually pre-exam bathroom break and then went inside. When I got there the man at the desk told me I would need to fill out the paper saying I wouldn’t disclose any information on the test and I told him “yeah, I know, I know.” He told me “you’ve been here before right?” I said “yes, I’m hoping today is my last time here” he replied with “why, we will miss you?!” to which I said “I’m tired of this test and I just want to pass it.” I filled out my paper, took my mugshot, oh I mean picture, yes, they make us take a webcam photo before entering, I went through my screening, yes, we have to be scanned with one of those airport detectors and walked into the testing room. I still wasn’t nervous. I sat at my computer clicked continue a million times, I didn’t need to reread the instructions or directions, trust me, this wasn’t my first rodeo.
I began my exam still repeating the words that the teachers had said to me. I did 10 questions so quickly without a single ounce of nervousness, I couldn’t believe it. Then the rest of the questions came and I slowly grew more nervous because the exam was becoming more and more difficult. I tried to take a few deep breaths but I slowly felt the anxiety creeping in. I had 40 minutes left to the test and still so much unanswered, I became cold, I became shakey, I began to breathe deep heavy breaths. The doubt and negativity started to fill my mind. I said to myself “well, you failed again, just face it, you have 40 minutes left, so much unanswered and you have no idea how to do some of these problems.” One of the workers came to stand near me, I was unsure why but he stood there for awhile. I got more nervous, did he think I was cheating because I had suddenly became very fidgety?
The timer started blinking, I had 5 minutes left to finish about 10 questions, impossible? Yes, probably for an exam this difficult. I had no idea how to do some of the problems and therefore I just took wild guesses. On questions where I thought I could figure out if I just took a few breathes and calmed down I focused more on. I had 1 minute left….I guessed on my final question and told myself once again “okay, you failed…just suck it up, you’ll get em next time tiger.” I clicked continue, I clicked report scores, I clicked report scores again (yes, they make you click it twice to insure you want them to send it.) I took a deep breath and told myself “it’s okay that you failed, you were a lot calmer up until the last hour of the exam” and then I told myself “you’ll get it next time.” The screen revealing my raw score popped up and it said “RAW SCORE: 160.” My eyes widened and I thought “160?!?!?! Exactly 160?!! I need a 160 to pass the test!!! I passed!!!” I jumped out of my seat, filled with joy and disbelief too! I went outside to grab my stuff. I was still in such shock, I couldn’t believe it. The man that was standing by me for some time questioned me, he told me he was worried about me and asked me if I was okay, I suppose it was clear that I was having a panic attack. I told him I was fine and left the building with butterflies all throughout my body. I couldn’t believe it.
I didn’t want to get ahead of the game, the exam made it clear that it was a raw score and although typically raw scores don’t go down or up that much, I still didn’t want to celebrate too much. It’s been a very very very nerve wrecking couple of weeks as I’ve been awaiting for the final results…well guys, I got my final results last Friday….I did it!!! I passed!!!
I want to thank all of you who supported me and sent me so many encouraging words and stories on my Charging Through post, without knowing you all did help me a lot. I want to thank you so so so so much for taking the time out of your day for sharing your wisdom and sharing your struggles to!
I DID IT, I FINALLY DID IT!
“Fall down seven times, stand up eight.”
congrats!!!!
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Thank you sooooo very much!
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congratulations! that’s awesome!
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Thank you so so so much :D! x
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Many many congratulations on your achievement! Yes, you did it!
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Thank you soooooo very much! x
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You’re very welcome 😊
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Congrats love, so so exciting!! 😄
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Yes! Super exciting, so glad it’s done with! Thank you so much! x
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Congratulations! The Praxis is hard!
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Yes! It’s so difficult honestly! Thank you so much! x
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Good for you! You did it!
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Thank you so much! :D! x
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I am so happy for you! Thank god you didn’t quit on yourself, you believed in what you were doing and MADE it happen! You will forever be stronger for this struggle and more capable when you face this type of adversity in the future. Now is the time to apply for Fall positions and this will propel you on your way-good luck and CONGRATS!
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Thank you so so much! I remember you commenting on my Charging Through post so it means a lot that you’ve come back to check in! Thank you so much for the amazing advice and for cheering me on! Thank you for being so supportive as well! Have a lovely day 🙂 !
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YAAAAASS Bea!! Im so so glad you passed! Massive congrats and hugs ❤ ❤
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Thank you so so so so much Tabi!!!!! x
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I am so happy for you! Your determination motivates me, instead of a test, I am trying to land an assistant design job! I won’t give up and reading this post shows that hard work pays off. 🙂
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Thank you so very much!! I wish you the best of luck in landing that assistant design job! Best of luck ! x
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Congratulations! From now on, your daily mantra should be, “Fall down seven times, stand up eight.” I may make it mine, too. btw, thanks for checking out my blog 🙂
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Thank you! I really should make that my daily mantra because it really did work for me! Thank you so much for coming by 🙂 !
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Wow! Congrats Bea! I’m so happy you did it♥️♥️
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Thank you so so very much :D! x
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Congratulations. 🙂
Blessings ~ Wendy
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Thank you so very much Wendy!!
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Bea this is so so so so so amazing!!!!! Congratulations!!! I knew you can do it!!! I am so happy for you, xxx
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Thank you so so so so so so so so so very muchhhhhh girl!! x
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Congratulations…that accomplishment is done, more to come 🙂
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Thank you so much!! Have a lovely day! x
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Wow, congratulations!!!! What an amazing accomplishment! I know all about that feeling and whole pre-exam situation– I was on that boat just recently too! It’s an indescribable feeling seeing that passing score. Congrats again and go out and celebrate! ❤️❤️❤️
– Jess
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It sure wasn’t an easy journey at all. The pre-exam jitters and just during the exam anxiety is so frustrating and distracting too. I’m so very glad that part of my life is finally over, onto bigger and better things! Thank you so much for the congratulations and for coming by and leaving me a comment. I hope you have a wonderful day and I wish you the best of luck with everything! x
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Congratulations, Bea! You so deserve this success – there is a lot to be said for perseverance and what can be achieved if you never give up. Well done my friend, so happy for you x
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Thank you very much for your kind words Tracey! I hope you have an amazing day! x
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Congratulations Bea! I am so happy for you☺!
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Thank you so so so muchh!!! Have a lovely day! x
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Your very welcome!
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Congratulations Bea!! Good on you for not giving up 😀 😀
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Thank you very much Angela! x
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So happy for you Bea. As a fellow student l know how hard, and frustrating, exams can be and good on you for not giving up.
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Exams can be such a pain! Thank you so very much! x
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CONGRADULATIONS 🍾🍾🎉🎉 Delighted for ya! Onwards and Upwards xxx
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Thank you so so muchhhhhh :D! Thanks for coming by and I hope you have a wonderful day! x
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Congratulations!!!! I felt so nervous when I went to take my nursing boards and the relief I felt after passing was indescribable! I am so proud of you!!! Way to go girl!
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Thank you so so so very much!! Congratulations to you as well for passing the nursing boards, I imagine that couldn’t be easy what so ever!
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Thank you so much!! 🙂
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Oh my goodness congratulations!!! I’m so happy for you!! All of your hard work paid off in the end. Thank goodness you didn’t give up but kept going forward!:)
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Thank you so so much!!! X
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Congratulations, girl! So happy for you! XOXO I just posted my Germany trip! Hope to hear from you soon! https://herlostmango.com
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Thank you so so much! Going to check it out in a bit!
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Aw! thanks, Bea! I’ll try to publish my other travel diaries soon but for now, I just published “5 Things I wish I knew in High School” . Hope to hear from you soon! XOXO http://herlostmango.com/
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Congrats Bea!!! I think it’s amazing that you never gave up and I really like the advice the teacher gave you! I’ll try that the next time I want to achieve something 😉 xx Friederike
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Definitely try it out, I think it did help. I suppose having confidence dealt does help when we try it achieve something! Thank you so much for your kind words. Have a lovely day! X
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I am so happy for you, Bea!
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Thank you so so much, means a lot! X
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Congratulations! In order to become a good teacher just keep this feeling in mind forever. Since from now on you’re the one judging.
You did an amazing job, I hope you celebrated accordingly. I’m a teacher myself and had a panic attack during my final Latin exam, nearly didn’t make it but managed to control my breathing in the end. Anyways. You did it!
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Thank you so so so very much for you congratulations and for your wise words. I wish you the best of luck with everything! Have a lovely day! x
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What a beautiful site, and congratulations on your exam. I don’t know you but am so proud of you as a person for getting back up and dusting yourself off to try over and over again until you succeeded. It is so very hard to do at times. I look forward to reading more as I browse these gorgeous images, they are fantastic!
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Thank you so so very much for your kind words and positivity! I really appreciate you coming by and leaving a comment as well! Thank you and have a wonderful day! x
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Bra you awesome young beauty, thanks for visiting my site.
Peace be the Botendaddy
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Spellchecker disaster I meant Bea not Bra’ I know you’re not a California skatekid
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Hahaha, no worries, happens often!
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Congrats on your test!
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Thank you so very much!!
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Thank you so very much!
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Dear Bea, I’m sorry I’m only reading this now! Congratulations!!! I’m so happy for you, you have no idea!! You just made me smile so big!! Congratulations, once again. You’ll be the most amazing teacher!! A big hug!! xx
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Thank you so so so so so very much! I still cannot believe it myself, whenever I think of it I get just a tad more excited! Haha ! x
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Congratulations!! You did it!!
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Yes I finally did it !!! Thank you so much!
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I haven’t been on here in a million years but I am soooo soooo happy for you!!!!! I can relate on this on a million levels with my physical therapy boards! You did it girl!!!!God is so good!!!❤I’m so happy for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!congrats!!!!!!!!!!!😊😊😊😊😊
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I HAVE NOTICED YOU’VE BEEN MISSING !!!! Lol but I’m sure you’re busy so I hope all is well with you! Thank you so so so so very muchhhhh!! Have a lovely day! 🤗🤗
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Thank you girl, all is well hope all is well with you. It’s a combination of busy and lazy during the week I’m busy with work and church activities comes the weekend I catch up on house chores & then dont want to do anything🙈
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Your story truly inspired and motivated me to get up and working on things I really want in life. Stay Happy!!
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I’m so very glad that it’s positively influenced you. I wish you the best of luck in everything you do ! Have a lovely day! X
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Thank you so much! You too 🙂
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From one teacher to another, (slightly belated) congratulations! This experience will also be so helpful for you to draw on as a teacher when working with students who are struggling and/or frustrated. Glad you persevered and passed!
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Thank you so so so much!!! It wasn’t easy but I’m glad I kept to it and did it!
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